4 things to note before starting a long distance relationship
If you're just starting a long distance relationship you might be feeling a bit freaked out right now. That's good! It means you're open to some. Ever heard of this phrase, love knows no distance? Or that absence makes the heart grow fonder? I am not going to sugarcoat this. It is no. There are almost 15 million couples in the US who define themselves as being in long distance relationship. Long distance couples actually have more than.
What Do You Speak? Build your love maps Your love map is your mental network of information about your partner—their interests, stories, what makes them tick, and things you love and admire about them. The more positive memories and associations you build into this love map, the stronger your relationship will be over time. Also check out The Sound Relationship House: Talking about these things and any growing feelings of jealousy or unease can save you a lot of heartache and conflict in the long run.
Share things with each other that have made you laugh. Surprise your partner every so often with something thoughtful Everyone loves getting a present, a bunch of flowers, or a handwritten letter in the mail. Every so often, go the extra mile and do something extra and special to help your partner feel loved and valued. Bonus points if the gesture is uber-thoughtful.
Make sure you have some reminders of your partner around—perhaps put their photo on your desktop or tape it to your mirror, drink out a coffee mug they gave you… the possibilities are endless. Find a way to involve and connect your partner with some of the other important relationships in your life. Everyone has different tips and tricks that help them cope better with the ups and downs that come with being in a long distance relationship.
Figure out what works for you, then do it. Build a life where you are.
Do things that make you fitter, smarter, and happier. Do things that interest you. Do these things alone, if need be. Remember, investing in yourself is another way of investing in your most important relationship. You will be happier and healthier in life if you have a strong network of friends beyond your partner. To do that, you need to spend time connecting with them.
Know your limits, and then stay a couple of steps away from those limits. Visit often Visit each other as often as you can without over-stretching your budgets and schedules. Spending time together in person will help you learn new things about your partner and remind you of why being in the long distance relationship is worth it.
Make sure you get out and do something fun—hang with other friends, try a new restaurant, etc. Also try to mix in some normal life such as grocery shopping and cooking together. You can, however, learn to say goodbye in ways that work for you or, at least, work better. Also check out Dreaded Departures: Plan ahead for how to best treat or support yourself during the first day or two after a visit ends. Also check out From Denial To Acceptance: One way to reduce the stress of all that coming and going is to plan ahead together for ways to reduce the burden on the stay-at-home partner during your times apart.
Spending some time on logistics before you leave will help them during your absence. It may not be very wise, for example, to go hang out with an attractive friend at a dance club on a night when you really really want to be holding your partner close. Practice trusting Being apart from the person you love makes everyone feel insecure at times. You can start to doubt everything from how your partner feels about you, to whether they are staying faithful.
But unless your partner has given you reason not to trust them, take a deep breath and choose to trust! Distance also provides more opportunities for deception. Before too long, however, do start talking about how and when you might be able to close the gap. This major transition will have ups, downs, and bumps along the way Same-city living will usher in a whole new phase in your relationship.
Think and talk together about ways to ease the stress of this major transition.
9 Hardcore Truths About Starting A Long Distance Relationship
Take it slow and recognize you may both need some extra time and space as you negotiate learning or re-learning how to share your space and lives up close and personal. Also check out Long Distance No Longer: Plenty of LDRs work out in the long run, and many couples credit the time they spent in an LDR for teaching them invaluable relationship skills. Or, rather, that you need to be selective about whose input you pay attention to.
What we did Personally I believe your partner should meet the important people in your life as soon as comfortably possible after starting a long distance relationship, whether it be in person or even over Skype. Lolo was introduced to some of my family quite early, which gave us the opportunity to show them we were serious and that the connection we had was real. It definitely had a positive impact for us. Have your partner meet the important people in your life as early as possible in the relationship.
As long as they are comfortable doing so! Seeing a loved up couple showing each other affection leaving you feeling envious that they can just BE with their partner.
The second situation I listed above is by far the hardest to overcome. The real issue here is trust. Without trust and some level of emotional generosity on your part, these feelings of jealousy will continue to pop up and will start to poison you over time!
Lack of trust in a long distance relationship will not only impact your relationships but also your personal life. What we did Lolo and I were in opposite time zones, which made it really tough when it came to the weekend. One of us would be going to bed while the other was up and about. This sort of situation allows the mind to race, and frankly get out of control sometimes!
What is she doing? Who is she with? Is she going out tonight? What if she meets someone? These questions and more will pop up from time to time and the best way we found to deal with them was by being honest and having trust in each another. Key takeaways Jealousy is inevitable. You need to be able to trust each other, otherwise it will continue to impact negatively on your relationship.
You Need To Keep Your Spending In Check Just like your lifestyle will need to adapt when you start a long distance relationship, so will your spending habits. Being separated by distance means there is going to be travel involved at some point, and potentially a lot of it.
Lolo and I were literally on other sides of the world. Visits and closing the distance came at a hefty cost. What we did We saved. It was really hard at first, but one simple thing helped us immensely. Together we figured out when our visits would be and what it would take to make them happen.
This gave us financial goals to achieve. As we kept up with our goals well before our trips it was one less thing to worry about while we would be together, which just meant we could focus on US. Money or lack thereof, can have a huge impact on all relationships. So any chance to remove it as an obstacle needs to be taken! Key takeaways Save wherever and whenever possible.
Can reduce stress if removed as an obstacle.
4 things to note before starting a long distance relationship
Where is our relationship headed? Are we going to visit? Who will uproot their life to move? These questions take time to answer, and often need to be revisited over multiple conversations. They raise complicated emotions, and you will both need time to really explore the practical and emotional implications of different scenarios.
What we did Lolo and I had to answer all of these questions over time, and some were harder than others. Once we identified these as questions that we needed to answer, we really tried to answer them together as soon as possible without rushing or pressure. Moving is stressful, but so it uncertainty. Talking and working them out together will strengthen your relationship. That perseverance, that determination, and that love you share will make it all worth it.
And how you dealt with them.