5 Signs Your Toxic Relationship Is Not Worth Saving | Thought Catalog
Some of us need more connection, others need more independence. Sometimes these differences lead to a toxic relationship. To break the. A big sign that you are in an unhealthy, toxic relationship is the opposite, change is if they recognize there is a problem and they want to fix it. Seriously toxic relationships call for us to cut off contact altogether; others, though also toxic, seem impossible to avoid. Perhaps you have a.
Ironically, these tactics will allow the other person to further embed themselves into your psyche. What does work is to accept that your relationship with them is super hard, and also that you are trying to make it less hard. This gentle acceptance does not mean that you are resigned to a life of misery, or that the situation will never get better.
Accepting the reality of a difficult relationship allows us to soften. And this softening will open the door to your own compassion and wisdom. You are going to need those things. The other person will probably tell you that you are the cause of all their bad feelings This is not true.
You are not responsible for their emotions. You never have been, and you never will be. Tell the truth When you lie perhaps to avoid upsetting themyou become complicit in the creation and maintenance of their reality, which is poisonous to you.
For example, they might ask you if you forgot to invite them to a party. But lying is very stressful for human beings, maybe the most stressful thing. Lie detectors detect not lies, but the subconscious stress and fear that lying causes.
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This will not make the relationship less toxic. So, instead, tell the truth. You are the only one with the experience of your emotions and you are the only one who can have control over your emotions.
Emotional Responsibility So to build on this idea into something you can use to hopefully improve your relationship, I want to introduce a concept I call emotional responsibility.
You always have control because you are the only one who can control your emotions, actions, and reactions.
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No matter what, nobody can take that away from you. In order to dissolve the toxic dynamic in a relationship, you must fully realize this truth. Similarly, they are not the authority on your emotions. You know what you are thinking, feeling and saying. You know what your intentions are and why you are doing or saying what you choose to do or say.
They cannot know this, they are not responsible for this and any accusation they might make about your intentions has no basis in reality and therefore, requires no reaction on your part. You are not their savior or caregiver. You might love them and want the best for them, but they are the only one who can control their emotions, reactions and actions.
You cannot control these things for them, and therefore, it is impossible to live as if you are at all responsible for their emotions, actions and reactions. Letting go of the illusion that you are somehow responsible for their emotions, reactions, and actions might at first feel like you are cutting them off, being emotionally cold, giving up on them, not caring or being cruel.
It might feel like that, but the fact remains that you cannot be responsible for their emotions, reactions, or actions. No matter how much you care about them. No matter how much you stress over them.
Healing A Toxic Relationship - 6 Things You Should Know
No matter how deeply you love them. No matter how much you want them to be happy. You need to let go of that idea entirely because it is a huge piece of what keeps a toxic relationship in place. The wisest and most effective strategy to communicate with your partner is to always have the best intentions for you, for him, and for your relationship.
When you know your intentions are for the good of everyone involved, you can take action clearly and confidently and if they have a negative reaction towards you, you can let them own it themselves without taking on any of the negativity yourself since you know that your intentions are always coming from a good, pure, positive place.
Not taking responsibility for your own emotions or putting your negative emotions on him and expecting him to somehow resolve them is also not good for the relationship. In fact, he may never adopt that way of communicating with you, at which point you may decide to limit your exposure to him or break off the relationship completely.
Regardless of what he does, you do not and cannot have any control of him. You can ask yourself: Then I will choose not to react. His negative actions are the spark of conflict, but your emotionally negative reactions are the fuel which catches fire and propels the toxic relationship into full swing.
If you take away the fuel your negative emotional reactionsyou stop the momentum of the toxic relationship dead in its tracks. Now at this point I will be the first to admit that this is not easy. Understanding the logic of this is one thing, putting it into practice is another. You might ask… How can I stop my negative emotional reactions to him and his behavior?
Society subtly spreads a poisonous message to women that they are victims who have no control over their emotions. This is not possible if you hold a viewpoint that you are somehow a victim in any way by victim I am talking about someone who makes someone or something else responsible for their emotions, reactions and actions. The key point is this: