Trust Issues: Why Is It So Hard for Some People to Trust?
If you have "trust issues" from a previous relationship, here's how experts say you can establish security in a new relationship. Over the past 10 years, there has been an unprecedented rise in trust issues. Yet, trust is essential to both our relationships and our well-being. and advice columns offer suggestions designed to help couples resolve troublesome trust issues. .. I used to spend hours asking her questions about what why when how etc. Some great questions to explore: Is the trust issue yours? Are you projecting past trust issues onto this person or are the relationship trust.
Even worse, at times we ourselves are the ones enduring the wounds, and healing can take years. Most people agree they can sense a lack of integrity in an individual, as if there is a little voice in their head warning them not to trust a particular person. Some of us may know a person who has recently been involved in an ugly divorce. Others have caught cheating spouses in the act, or witnessed a friend backstab them in the name of their own personal gain.
Our instinctual reaction is to prevent it from happening to us again by blocking out everyone who attempts to love us. This can cause further detriment to our lives, as we are no longer able to build functional friendships or romantic relationships. The first step is remembering it will not be an easy process. If you are the one fighting through, you may at times be discouraged and feel re-injured.
If you are supporting someone else through the process, you too may experience periods of frustration or sadness. Rebuilding trust takes much more time than tearing it down, however, know in the end it will be worth it.
When you feel ready to begin rebuilding, the first action necessary is the ability to give people the benefit of the doubt. You may find this process to be most difficult, as it requires you to release guarded emotions you have been hanging onto tightly up until now.
If you know a loved one who has trust issues, tell that person repeatedly that you care and that you are not going to betray him or her. Be prepared to have questions directed at you in a suspicious tone, and realize that this is not a lash out at you, but rather a reaction to a past circumstance.
How to Resolve Trust Issues in a Relationship
Try not to push too hard, as you do not want to scare the individual away or cause him or her to feel threatened. Be a good listener, and allow time and experience to do the rest. You may feel guilt or shame from past incidents, however, go easy on yourself, as no one can forgive you until you forgive yourself.
If you are still involved with the person you hurt, hold yourself fully accountable, checking in often and practicing honesty whenever the opportunity arises. Realize that it may take this person a lot of time to trust you again, and that he or she may never trust you again. However, as long as this person is giving you the chance, work hard toward regaining his or her trust. If you are a cheater, or have been cheated on in the past, talk therapy can be extremely beneficial.
Having the opportunity to discuss your feelings with someone removed from the picture can not only feel good, but can provide you with a new perspective as well. A psychologist has no motivation to defend the trust violator, and may provide some insight that will help you move forward. Let's call this fictional character Person B. As you can probably imagine, both of these situations could and would most definitely generate trust issues for either person. Consciously or subconsciously, somewhere along the way, there is going to be some expectation in the back of the person's mind that "the other shoe is going to drop" and their world is going to be tilted off its axis.
Self Esteem and Self Confidence Everyone on the planet has triggers. Some are so minor that we don't even know they exist.
Other people have severe triggers that can temporarily put them into a deer in the headlights situation where they overreact. The extreme of this spectrum is PTSD. The most important factor if you got down to the bottom of trust problems is whether both parties actually trust themselves. That's right - it's not really about trusting completely the other person.
It's about trusting themselves and their reaction to something the other person does or says. Or how they will handle themselves in any given situation.
People who do not trust themselves or have good self esteem or self confidence automatically set themselves up for trust problems. Trusting the wrong people has become a habit and they continually seek out the same kind of person over and over who will in fact break their trust again, reinforcing the idea that they knew it - they couldn't trust anyone. So how do you build trust? In yourself and in a relationship?
- Learning How To Overcome Trust Issues
Trusting relationship or healthy relationship must haves: Know yourself Trust yourself to do the right thing and make good choices Believe in yourself different from knowing yourself Understand that you can survive on your own - really - another person does not define who you are Be proud of your accomplishments Face your demons - if you don't do this, you will bring trust issues to every relationship Don't let people know all about you until you are sure that you CAN trust them Protect yourself but give of yourself without reservation That may sound like a tall order but self image and what you think of YOU is at the root of building trust with another person.
It has been said that if you do not love yourself, you can't love anyone else.
How to Overcome Trust Issues in a Relationship: 12 Steps
If you find yourself in a spot where you don't meet the above criteria, counseling or self analysis can help you reach that goal. Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.
It's never too late to resolve trust problems. Or you could be in a long term relationship and maybe have had problems for years but are just starting to ask yourself "is this a good relationship? Resolving relationship issues or trust problems is easier to do if you examine the root of the problem. Some great questions to explore: Is the trust issue yours? Are you projecting past trust issues onto this person or are the relationship trust issues real?
As in your boyfriend is repeatedly cheating on you with other women or you are having the same kind of issues with friend after friend Is the trust issue the other person's? Is there some kind of imagined wrong doing on the part of the other person about what you supposedly are doing when you aren't doing it?