The abusive relationship

11 Reasons Why People in Abusive Relationships Can't "Just Leave"

the abusive relationship

Learn what to do if you're thinking of leaving an abusive relationship. Making a safety plan can help. Abusive relationships are fairly simple. They are driven by insecurity, the fear that feeds that insecurity, and an expectation of inconsistency, both real and. When many people hear that someone is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, their first question is, “Why don't they leave?” Here are 11 of the many reasons.

You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with physical wounds. But emotional abuse can be just as damaging—sometimes even more so. Economic or financial abuse: Economic or financial abuse includes: Rigidly controlling your finances Withholding money or credit cards Making you account for every penny you spend Withholding basic necessities food, clothes, medications, shelter Restricting you to an allowance Preventing you from working or choosing your own career Sabotaging your job making you miss work, calling constantly Stealing from you or taking your money Abusive behavior is a choice Despite what many people believe, domestic violence and abuse does not take place because of an abuser loses control over their behavior.

the abusive relationship

In fact, abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice to gain control. Perpetrators use a variety of tactics to manipulate you and exert their power, including: Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship.

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They may make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as their possession. Humiliation — An abuser will do everything they can to lower your self-esteem or make you feel defective in some way. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-worth and make you feel powerless. Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on them, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world.

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They may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their partners from leaving or scare them into dropping charges.

Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. They may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.

Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimidation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. Denial and blame — Abusers are adept at making excuses for the inexcusable. They may blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, or even on you and the kids, the victims of their abuse.

Fear of the unknown

They may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. Often, they will shift the responsibility on to you: Abusers are able to control their behavior—they do it all the time Abusers pick and choose whom to abuse. Usually, they save their abuse for the people closest to them, the ones they claim to love. Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse. Leaving an abusive relationship is hard for many reasons.

Here are 11 of the many reasons that someone in an unhealthy or toxic situation might stay with their partner. Society normalizes unhealthy behavior so people may not understand that their relationship is abusive. Emotional abuse destroys your self-esteem, making it feel impossible to start fresh.

The Cycle of Abuse: Often when an abusive situation happens, it is followed by the abuser doing something nice or apologizing and promising that they will never do it again.

This makes their partner minimize the original abusive behavior. Many times, leaving an abusive relationship is not only emotionally difficult, but can also be life-threatening.

the abusive relationship

In fact, the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is post break-up. Women are 70 times more likely to be killed in the weeks after leaving their abusive partner than at any other time during the relationship.

Helping someone out of an abusive relationship - ABC Life

For help creating one, check out our My Plan App. People in abusive relationships often attempt to break up with their partner several times before the break up sticks. On average, a person in an abusive relationship will attempt to leave 7 times before finally leaving for good.

the abusive relationship

Society perpetuates a ride-or-die mindset. And while being loyal is a great thing, a good friend or partner would never endanger or hurt you. They feel personally responsible for their partner or their behavior.

the abusive relationship

After a conflict, an abuser will turn the situation around and make their partner feel guilty or as though they are somehow at fault.